Friday, May 25, 2012
Come On Over To The Nerdy Side
I've decided that I'm going to talk a little bit about my childhood and how I've evolved into who I am today.
When I was a child in school, I didn't have many friends, I was considered a nerd and not many people enjoyed being around me. I was teased almost on a daily basis and it didn't matter if I was in the Catholic school of which I attended 1st, 2nd, 3rd and 8th grade or in the public school for grades 4th through 7th and then high school.
What I think really bothered me the most was gym class and the process of where the class was divided into "teams" and the "team captains" had to pick the people they wanted on the team - I was always the last person to be picked - just like winning a booby prize. Yep, I was the booby prize. That always crushed me, but more importantly, it embarrassed me - me sitting there all alone on the floor and knowing that the last team to pick got me. Even now at the age of 44, I'm scarred from that. It brings tears to my eyes to rethink or rather re-live those times in my life.
Then in high school - sure there were boys that I liked, but no one would give me the time of day. I had a high school sweetheart that I met at summer school - it was a prep course for the Catholic high school that I was going to attend, except, I went to Mexico that summer and came back too late and missed my slot at the Catholic high school (with my sweetie) so I was forced to attend the public high school. My sweetie and I dated on and off all four years of high school, and then he went away to college in Indiana and I went to school at the technical college. He was the only one who ever accepted me for who I am, deep down, not the surface Mimi that you see.
It was after my rape that I started to change and not give a shit about who or what came my way. I put on a steel shield and I wasn't going to let anyone in. Until I met my husband. I slowly put my guard down and enjoyed what I found - but I've still never really have had a lot of friends who I can truly count on. Sure I have friends on Facebook, but if I were in a pinch, there is less than a handful that I would be able to count on to bail me out. Hell, I only have 3 people's cell number of whom I'm friends with on Facebook. So if I were in a pinch, I'm S.O.L.
I guess being a nerd has it's perks, but I'm not sure what they are at the moment. I have developed into a very social and friendly person, but I'm still considered "strange" and "out there". I guess that's ok - it makes me unique and that's how I view myself.
Until next time...