Friday, May 4, 2012

Daddy I Love You and Miss You!!!

Seven months ago today I lost my dad, Bill.  He fought for a long time with renal failure and cardiac disease.  (arterioscelerotic cardiovascular disease)  He also suffered with Parkinson's Disease.  I took care of my dad from 1998 up until he passed away last October 4, 2011.  It was great having my children be raised with the grandpa in the home, but as he got older and more stubborn, some days were a bit rough.  Some days I would swear that I had gained another child to care for! 

This picture above was taken while my dad was in the rehabilitation center recouping from a heart attack.  He had many heart attacks, some that we knew of and other that we didn't even know happened.  He hated staying in the rehab center, but he knew that he had to get stronger before he could return home.  In the picture is my 10 year old son Garrett who just adored his grandpa.

I've always been a daddy's girl - when I was just 7 weeks old and Catholic Charities gave me to my parents (I was adopted), the social worker handed me straight to my dad, I looked at him with my huge brown eyes and gave him a huge smile.  My mom always said that from that moment on, I always had my daddy wrapped around my pinkie. 

We knew that my dad was going to pass away, he had hospice care for 11 months, but no matter how much you think you are prepared, you never really are.  My dad was unconscious for 4 days prior to his death and those were some of the worst days of my life.  Just knowing that I was losing my dad and there was nothing that I could do to stop it.  When he passed, I was there and my entire world crumbled around me.  Half of my heart died when my dad died.  I don't think I will ever get over the loss because now my entire family is gone - except for my husband and my children.  Will I ever be whole again? 

Dad, this is dedicated to you.  I love you more than life itself and miss you so very much!

I was about 3 when this picture was taken.

Until next time....


  1. This brought tears to my eyes. I am so thankful that I still have both my parents and that I live close enough to see them often. Your writing is beautiful and I could feel your pain.
    Thanks for sharing.

    1. Thank you so very much. Yes, every time I read it too I cry. I miss my dad so much, but I know that he is no longer tied to that wheelchair, no longer wearing diapers and no longer stuck to that oxygen tank that he hated so much. He's with my mom, the love of his life, so that helps me cope somewhat.
      Also, thank you so much for liking my writing, this is how my book is being written as well - it's all coming straight from the heart. I'm hoping to have my book done in the next couple of months. (it's the story of my life)

  2. I can only imagine what the love of a father can bring into your heart. Thank you for sharing this...
    It's really a beautiful piece of your life you have chosen to write about in this post. :)

  3. Thanks hun! You know how close I was to my dad and how much I miss him. A day doesn't go by that I don't think of him and wish he were still here. What's interesting is that Garrett has taken on some of my dad's old habits and facial expressions which I just adore! Or sometimes he'll say something that you would expect to come out of my dad's mouth, not that of a 10yr old boy. I just love it... Garrett has a piece of grandpa in him.

  4. All children are amazingly precocious that way!