Wednesday, May 30, 2012

I'm Scared...

I'm terrified of trains, I have panic attacks every time I'm around one or hear their horn sound.

I'm scared of semi trucks, even if they are parked and the engine is off.  (was in a car accident as a young child with a semi truck and the fear has remained my entire life)

I'm scared of having my panic attacks in public places.

I worry that my house is never picked up enough for a visitor - even if it's clean, I still worry about that dust bunny under the couch.

I'm scared of not being accepted for who I am.  (my scars from childhood)

I'm scared of snakes - they give me the wicky willys.

I'm scared of being outside after dark alone.

I'm scared of the ocean - even though I know how to swim & was trained in water life-saving, I'm still terrified of large bodies of water.

I'm scared of my children suffering any type of pain or hurt.  (including bullying)

I'm scared of having to bury another child, I've done it once, I never want to repeat it.

I'm scared of losing my husband too early in life.  (he has 13 different diagnoses, thanks to his time in the military)

I'm scared of speaking publicly - I break down in tears every time.

I'm scared of traveling long distances alone.

I worry about my house burning down, I know this is totally illogical, but I've planned out exactly who would get which child, and still be able to grab my purse and our important papers along with my parents urns and my oldest daughter would gather up our 3 cats.

I'm scared of being judged by people reading this list.  I feel totally vulnerable at the moment.  Wow, this was a rough list to write.  I'm sure there are more things that I am scared of... but I think this is enough for now.

Until next time...


  1. pray beats worry and fear every time..

  2. I think as moms, we can't help but worry. It's just how we're wired. As for being scared, we all have our fears. I got over some of my fears just by putting my kids in the picture. For example, I'll take your last one of traveling alone. I was that way too until my daughter moved away and there came a time when my husband couldn't drive or go with me. I drove that distance alone and had never been more proud of myself for getting over the fear :)

  3. {hugs} It is so hard to write that and put yourself out there. And as a mom you worry about your kids so much. I have panic attacks too, and the things that set me off are so random.

    One of my is ones is opening myself up and letting people see emotional things like you did in this post, and I give you huge props for it.

  4. *hugs* We all are scared sometimes, def. when your a mom! I'm always scared they are going to get hurt and I'm def scared of spiders and having a seizure in public so I know what its like to be scared!!

    Just keep your head up and smile and just be you! I love your post and how we get to see you!!!

    I hope you have a great day!!!

  5. We all have fears that to others might seem irrational. The thought of getting on an airplane makes me have an anxiety attack. I'm afraid of dying, afraid of one of my kids being hurt or dying. I'm sure if I thought longer I'd find a whole host of things I'm afraid of. Oh yah, drowning. We live in MN and there are 10+K lakes! Thank you for being so transparent!!

  6. I think it was very brave to write this all down.

  7. We are all scared of something. Some things more than others but knowing your scares and facing them will help you. I hope you can pick a couple and tackle them!! Best to you.

  8. YOu are so brave for writing this all out! I have a completly irrational fear of dying on a submarine. I have had nightmares since I was a kid that im on a submarine for various reasons and due to some malfunction / war/ accident / underwater earthquake we get stuck down there and suffocate. Ive never been on one that was underwater but anytime we go to a museum and see one the panic attack starts setting in.

  9. I think it takes a brave, strong person to share all the things that scare them with others. I am also scared my children being bullied and I worry alot about things that I think others think are simple.. It's normal I think.

    Thanks for sharing

  10. This is a great post and its nice to have a personal post that people can relate to it since there are people scared of the same things.