Friday, May 25, 2012

Come On Over To The Nerdy Side





I've decided that I'm going to talk a little bit about my childhood and how I've evolved into who I am today.

When I was a child in school, I didn't have many friends, I was considered a nerd and not many people enjoyed being around me.  I was teased almost on a daily basis and it didn't matter if I was in the Catholic school of which I attended 1st, 2nd, 3rd and 8th grade or in the public school for grades 4th through 7th and then high school.

What I think really bothered me the most was gym class and the process of where the class was divided into "teams" and the "team captains" had to pick the people they wanted on the team - I was always the last person to be picked - just like winning a booby prize.  Yep, I was the booby prize.  That always crushed me, but more importantly, it embarrassed me - me sitting there all alone on the floor and knowing that the last team to pick got me.  Even now at the age of 44, I'm scarred from that.  It brings tears to my eyes to rethink or rather re-live those times in my life. 

Then in high school - sure there were boys that I liked, but no one would give me the time of day.  I had a high school sweetheart that I met at summer school - it was a prep course for the Catholic high school that I was going to attend, except, I went to Mexico that summer and came back too late and missed my slot at the Catholic high school (with my sweetie) so I was forced to attend the public high school.  My sweetie and I dated on and off all four years of high school, and then he went away to college in Indiana and I went to school at the technical college.  He was the only one who ever accepted me for who I am, deep down, not the surface Mimi that you see.

It was after my rape that I started to change and not give a shit about who or what came my way.  I put on a steel shield and I wasn't going to let anyone in.  Until I met my husband.  I slowly put my guard down and enjoyed what I found - but I've still never really have had a lot of friends who I can truly count on.  Sure I have friends on Facebook, but if I were in a pinch, there is less than a handful that I would be able to count on to bail me out.  Hell, I only have 3 people's cell number of whom I'm friends with on Facebook.  So if I were in a pinch, I'm S.O.L.

I guess being a nerd has it's perks, but I'm not sure what they are at the moment.  I have developed into a very social and friendly person, but I'm still considered "strange" and "out there".  I guess that's ok - it makes me unique and that's how I view myself. 

Until next time...

7 comments:

  1. Do you like the Doors song "People Are Strange"? It is my favorite song as I often feel a little out there or strange! Being a nerd is a good thing-just remember everything is all relative. Best to you!!!!

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    1. I hate to say it, but I've never heard of the song before. My hubby is a nerd as well, and unfortunately our children are as well. I guess it's in the genes. LOL I'm still a very friendly, social person, but I just can't seem to click with people on a long term basis... I've been married for 17 yrs, but I have a very limited number of friends. :-)
      Thank you for stopping by, I appreciate the comment!
      ~Mimi

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  2. I understand how you feel and have shed some of the same tears and to this day don't feel real comfortable around people. I really like animals much better, but I have had to learn to be out there too and sometimes it's just exhausting, but I am embracing my strangeness and have decided to celebrate it, so if you want to join me in that celebration you are so very welcome.
    Patti

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    1. Thanks Patti, I too have embraced my strangeness and show myself for who I am, not what people want to see. I enjoy being in social situations at times, I enjoy doing things, but the one thing that I hate to do is go to concerts or movie theaters. I saw Breaking Dawn pt 1 in January with my daughter and there were only 8 of us in the theater, which was nice. But I enjoy talking to people, I just come off strange when I do. Oh well...
      ~Mimi

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  3. Life is going to be difficult and challenging for everyone. Your childhood has it cringing moments as well as does everyone ... even mine! The important thing is having a good support system. A team of friends, family and even co workers who can pull you through the bad time. The most important thing that came out of everything was... you did not loose yourself. In fact you found yourself and understood who you are. That is all that matters.
    I found you on the Saturday Hop, please follow me back. I am following you. Cheers!

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    1. You're very right, life is challenging for everyone, my 16yr old daughter had to be pulled out of school just this past April for bullying, she's been bullied her entire school career and she couldn't take it anymore. My parents really were not there for me when I was going through all of my issues, so I clammed up. It was later in life that I finally found who I truly am, and I like who I've become! :-) Thank you for following me, I would love to follow you back - can you give me your blogs address so I can find you?
      Thanks!! ~Mimi

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  4. This post speaks to me as well. I've been a nerd my whole life too... Thrown in garbage cans at high school, beat up after school (thrown in the bushes walking home, and ganged up on, beaten at baseball games, feces smeared on my locker at HS), girls accused me of sleeping with their boyfriends when I was an introvert and a virgin. :(
    I truly believe, although those experiences emotionally and physically scarred me too, they made me the strong (yet hesitant and cautious) person I am today. I know it is the same for you. :)
    Polar bear mama... Hugs!!!

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