The Opening Of My Book - The Path Less Chosen

“You can move mountains, if you only believe.”  This was something my mother always told me, I believe my strength came from her and then some.  I’ve had to find my inner strength more than my fair share of times, but it has never let me down as of yet.  

I also believe that for one reason or another our paths are chosen before we are born.  It’s like signing a contract that we are willing to accept and to live just to move on to our next destination.  My path wasn’t always so rosy, it had its bumps, potholes and sharp turns that we all experience; just some tend to experience more than others and in varying degrees.  That’s what brought life to my book, my need to let other people know that there are others out there who truly understand what you are going through, to the abused children I say, yes I’ve been where you are and I’ve survived, I’m not a victim, I’m a survivor and you can be one too.  I can also say that having 5 children with special needs and a disabled husband has its difficulties, but I wouldn’t trade my life for the world.  So to the mothers of children with special needs, I too have been where you are, I too have wondered ‘why me’ and I too have cherished every success that my children have obtained.

There are blessings intertwined within the pains that I’ve suffered and yes, I would do it all over again if I needed to.  I’m also a parent who has lost children, one to miscarriage at a young age, one to an ectopic pregnancy, one to stillbirth, and another miscarriage recently, but I also believe that all of those things happened for a reason, I may not know all of the reasons and maybe I won’t accept the reasons, but they happened and I’ve had to cope with the loss just like other parents of unborn children.  Our hearts are resilient, we do get past the grief, but we never forget.  

I’ve also lost both of my parents, my mom to breast, bone and brain cancer in 1997, and my father to heart failure and kidney failure in 2011.  I unfortunately understand the heartache of losing your parents.

This is what my book is about, overcoming difficulties, seeing the positives and loving life for what it is and loving the people in my life because they make it what it is.  

Until next time....

I'm Scared...

I'm terrified of trains, I have panic attacks every time I'm around one or hear their horn sound.

I'm scared of semi trucks, even if they are parked and the engine is off.  (was in a car accident as a young child with a semi truck and the fear has remained my entire life)

I'm scared of having my panic attacks in public places.

I worry that my house is never picked up enough for a visitor - even if it's clean, I still worry about that dust bunny under the couch.

I'm scared of not being accepted for who I am.  (my scars from childhood)

I'm scared of snakes - they give me the wicky willys.

I'm scared of being outside after dark alone.

I'm scared of the ocean - even though I know how to swim & was trained in water life-saving, I'm still terrified of large bodies of water.

I'm scared of my children suffering any type of pain or hurt.  (including bullying)

I'm scared of having to bury another child, I've done it once, I never want to repeat it.

I'm scared of losing my husband too early in life.  (he has 13 different diagnoses, thanks to his time in the military)

I'm scared of speaking publicly - I break down in tears every time.

I'm scared of traveling long distances alone.

I worry about my house burning down, I know this is totally illogical, but I've planned out exactly who would get which child, and still be able to grab my purse and our important papers along with my parents urns and my oldest daughter would gather up our 3 cats.

I'm scared of being judged by people reading this list.  I feel totally vulnerable at the moment.  Wow, this was a rough list to write.  I'm sure there are more things that I am scared of... but I think this is enough for now.

Until next time...

Momma's Time Out

Parenting special needs children can wear thin on a mom from time to time.  There's doctor appointments, psychiatrist appointments, therapy appointments, then of course you have the special education teachers that you have to deal with when it comes to IEP time.  Every once in awhile I just need a time out, I found this picture on my Facebook wall which I thought was perfect, but do you know how many pins I would need to hang up all of my kids???  Geesh!  I would also need a long drying line, which of course I don't have, so I guess my only alternative is my hot bubble baths that I take to de-stress from the day.

Sure I can run my errands by myself if I wanted to, and sometimes I do, but most of the time, my oldest daughter likes to tag along.  She's 24, so she's not bad to shop with.  Plus we have our mother-daughter dates, but it's also nice that she's old enough to watch the kids so my husband and I can have date night as well.  Date night helps keep our relationship going strong.  It gives us time to ourselves without the interruptions of kids.  My boys (almost 10 & 11) are very attached to my husband, so they take up most if not all of his time while they are home.

It also doesn't help that their room is the most haunted in the house with the most activity and ever since my dad died 7 months ago, the boys refuse to sleep in their room.  So what does that mean?  Yep, they've been "camping out" in our room at night at the foot of our bed.  Makes for 'great' quality time between Jon and I. 

The one thing that I guess I have the hardest time dealing with are the meltdowns.  They are hard to deal with because most of the time you never know when one is going to happen.  Sure I know some of my kids triggers, but not many and with children with autism spectrum disorders, you don't need a trigger to have a meltdown.  My youngest son has them daily and most of the time we don't know why.  We just try and do damage control while he's in the process of melting.  He also has no problems having meltdowns at school either, I get emails on a regular basis about his meltdowns and having to be removed from the regular ed classroom and put into the special ed room for his safety and the safety of the other kids.

No matter the stress or chaos that is apart of my life, I would never trade it for the world.  My kids are my life and I love my life for what it is and the challenges that it brings with it.

Until next time....

Aargh! Writer's Block, Again!!!

I admit it, I have writer's block, but not just any ordinary writer's block, but massive writer's block.  I don't know how this happened, I was writing at a decent pace every day in the beginning, but then all of a sudden, when I went to sit down to write, all I could do was stare at my laptop screen and the words written on it.  I would re-read the paragraph where I stopped to try and kick start my writing again and my mind would wander off to a land far, far away. 

I'm not a quitter, but I am a perfectionist when it comes to any written work that I do.  When I was in college, I loved doing research papers, but my teachers always complained because they would ask for a 8 - 10 page report on some subject and I would turn in a 25 page report because I would get carried away with all of the information.  Funny, I never had writer's block when it came to my research papers, why am I having it now?  Probably because what I'm writing is my life story and it's not all rainbows and butterflies.  There are a lot of painful memories being put into this book and it seems as if I'm re-living each painful moment as I write about it.

The best thing for me when I write, is to have my music playing in my ears.  I pop in my earbuds to my iPhone and play away.  I have great music on my iPhone that always changes my frame of mind and helps redirect my thinking.

So on with my writing...  writer's block, go away!!

Until next time...

Happy Anniversary Mom & Dad!

 This is a picture of my parents, Bill & Nohemi while they were dating.  I love this picture of them because they look so happy!  My mom came to the United States from Mexico in 1961 and got a job at the same place my dad was working, Comptons Encyclopedia. My dad soon swooped in on my mom, but she rejected his advancements for quite some time.  My dad being who he was, knew what he wanted and that was my mom... so he pursued her until she couldn't say no any longer.  They ended up dating and my mom soon became my dad's entire world! When dad popped the question, mom said "no" and flew back to Mexico.  Dad was not going to take "no" for an answer, so he followed her to her hometown of Orizaba, Veracruz and asked her to marry him again.  She saw how in love he was with her and finally said "yes"when he asked her a second time.

They had 2 weddings, one was a civil ceremony, which my mom never recognized as being married. It wasn't until they had the church ceremony that they were finally married.  The civil ceremony was in January, but they didn't have the church ceremony until May 30th and they were married in Orizaba, Veracruz.  This is a picture of their wedding.  My moms head piece and flowers were made out of glass, and the cake pieces were also made from glass.  On their wedding day, my dad was the happiest man alive!

Happy Anniversary Mom & Dad!!!

I love you!

Until next time....

Our 4 Legged Children

I wasn't sure what to write about for today's blog post, so my brainiac daughter said "write about the Ladies & their Feller"... so that is what I'm going to do.  These 2 ladies & their feller are otherwise known as our cats - but cats makes them seem so "animal-like" and that they are not.  They truly believe they are human and I had nothing to do with that thinking process at all.  There is Izzy (Izzabelle), CJ (Cinderella Junior) and Butts (Seymour Butts).

Let's get on with their debut:

 Izzy screaming for some attention - or otherwise yawning.

 Izzy giving momma some lovin'.

 Wide-eyed and wearing her 'innocent' look.

 Mr Butts - doing what he does best, playing dead.  (yep, he's a 23 pounder)

Mr Butts with his cool dude cap on.

Last but not least, CJ, who does not like to have her picture taken - she hates the flash.

Until next time...

Come On Over To The Nerdy Side

I've decided that I'm going to talk a little bit about my childhood and how I've evolved into who I am today.

When I was a child in school, I didn't have many friends, I was considered a nerd and not many people enjoyed being around me.  I was teased almost on a daily basis and it didn't matter if I was in the Catholic school of which I attended 1st, 2nd, 3rd and 8th grade or in the public school for grades 4th through 7th and then high school.

What I think really bothered me the most was gym class and the process of where the class was divided into "teams" and the "team captains" had to pick the people they wanted on the team - I was always the last person to be picked - just like winning a booby prize.  Yep, I was the booby prize.  That always crushed me, but more importantly, it embarrassed me - me sitting there all alone on the floor and knowing that the last team to pick got me.  Even now at the age of 44, I'm scarred from that.  It brings tears to my eyes to rethink or rather re-live those times in my life. 

Then in high school - sure there were boys that I liked, but no one would give me the time of day.  I had a high school sweetheart that I met at summer school - it was a prep course for the Catholic high school that I was going to attend, except, I went to Mexico that summer and came back too late and missed my slot at the Catholic high school (with my sweetie) so I was forced to attend the public high school.  My sweetie and I dated on and off all four years of high school, and then he went away to college in Indiana and I went to school at the technical college.  He was the only one who ever accepted me for who I am, deep down, not the surface Mimi that you see.

It was after my rape that I started to change and not give a shit about who or what came my way.  I put on a steel shield and I wasn't going to let anyone in.  Until I met my husband.  I slowly put my guard down and enjoyed what I found - but I've still never really have had a lot of friends who I can truly count on.  Sure I have friends on Facebook, but if I were in a pinch, there is less than a handful that I would be able to count on to bail me out.  Hell, I only have 3 people's cell number of whom I'm friends with on Facebook.  So if I were in a pinch, I'm S.O.L.

I guess being a nerd has it's perks, but I'm not sure what they are at the moment.  I have developed into a very social and friendly person, but I'm still considered "strange" and "out there".  I guess that's ok - it makes me unique and that's how I view myself. 

Until next time...

Power Animal: Polar Bear

Another one of my power animals is the polar bear, I resonate so closely to this animal it's crazy!  I have polar bear figurines and pictures all over my sacred space.  (meaning my desk area & mantle)  Anyone who knows me well, knows that I am like a momma polar bear when it comes to my kids.  I will not hesitate to go for someone's throat if my children are in danger or being bullied.  Also, family is the most important thing to me, without my family, nothing else matters.

If polar bear shows up:
Be assertive and strong in both your communications and your actions, yet be willing to yield as necessary.
Treat yourself with respect and maintain your dignity at all times.
Before you take action, pause and observe the situation; then when you're ready to make your move, commit to it fully and without hesitation.
You're about to embark on a spiritual adventure, one that will awaken some of your innate gifts and qualities that have been dormant until now.

If you need polar bear medicine:
You're faced with an important change in your life, but you're having trouble accepting it.
You're feeling afraid or threatened in any situation, no matter the trigger, and you want to feel safe, strong and protected from any and all harm.
You're doing any kind of work between the spirit world and this one and you need a good, strong guide.

If polar bear is your power animal:
You're a skilled survivor, highly adaptable, and incredibly strong physically and emotionally.
Your spirit is very pure and your know who you are.
You have unquestioning faith in the Power that governs all, which is expressing itself as you and through you.
You're a powerful individual and readily command respect wherever you go and from whomever you meet.

As always, I took this information out of my favorite book "Animal Spirit Guides" by Steven D. Farmer, PH. D.

Until next time....

"If I started blogging today I would….”

If I started blogging today I would.... stop stressing over what I think others would think about my blog post for that particular day. 

When I started blogging, it was strictly for fun, but then I joined the 2012 Blogathon and then all of a sudden I was being put to the test...  first, could I blog for all 31 days of the month of May?  Secondly, what would I blog about that would be accepted by others?  Sure, people blog about their husbands, their children, their work life, their hobbies, their vacations, etc...  but I am a little different.  I think differently than most, many would say "I think out in left field" because of what I do and what I am.  I post my blog posts to my Facebook page as well daily, so my friends if they choose, can read what that days post was about.  All of my friends on Facebook know that I'm a psychic/medium as I post about the various happenings in my house.  But joining a blogathon was going to be a challenge.  Would I be accepted for who I am and what I write?  At first it really mattered to me, but now 23 days into the challenge, I've changed my way of thinking.  It doesn't matter if I'm accepted or not, I hope my followers enjoy my writings, but at the end of the day, if I'm happy with my blog post, then I'm happy.  I won't allow the anxiety that was once a part of my blogging, be a part of it anymore.

Until next time....

Power Animal: Deer

For me personally, the deer is one of my most favored power animal, in addition to the owl and the polar bear.  The fawn is always the one to take me into meditation and back out, and she stays with me while I'm in meditation watching over me, making sure I'm protected at all times.  When I see a deer that was hit on the side of the road, I feel the animals pain, I feel a sense of loss - that's how tightly bonded I am to this gorgeous animal.

If you notice that a deer is trying to convey a message to you, these are some of the possible meanings:
You've been involved in some aggressive, negative circumstances and need to seek out safe, nurturing situations and people. 
More than ever, you need to trust your instincts.
You're poised for an enticing adventure, one that will take you down many different paths and lead to many important insights.
Be gentle with yourself and others.

Call upon the deer's spirit for help:
You need help finding inspiration and resources for any creative projects you've working on.
You need help in situations where extra vigilance and sensitivity is called for in order to avoid any harmful consequences.
You want to release any resentments, grudges, or judgments about someone.
You want to find strength and endurance when you're going through a difficult life passage.

If the deer is your power animal:
You're highly sensitive and intuitive and are often aware of the feelings of others before they are.
You can move with intention, awareness, and speed and can change directions quickly while staying completely centered.
You're most comfortable outdoors, particularly in the woods or forest, and must frequently spend time there to recharge and regenerate.

And, as always, I took this information from my favorite book "Animal Spirit Guides" by Steven D. Farmer, PH.D.  

Until next time...

Animal Spirit Guides

As Ted Andrews states in his "Animal Speak" book, a totem (animal spirit guide) is "any natural object, being, or animal to whose phenomena and energy we feel closely associated with during our life."

As I have stated in my brochure, animal spirits are also called "power animals" or "totem" which is a person's spirit guide from nature.  They offer great guidance and support in times of need.  It is common for you to see some of the same characteristics of your power animal in yourself and that is why the two of you have bonded and you feel a connection to this particular animal.  You may at other times pick up a power animal to help get you through a sticky situation in where you might need that particular animals strength or energy.

If a power animal is trying to convey a message to you, you will see that animal typically three times within a short time and you will know that a message is trying to be conveyed, it is then your job to decipher it within yourself.  That's when your spirituality comes into play.

I personally have many power animals that I work with, sometimes one or two are a bit more dominant than others, but I have had these same animals for many years.  I will share with you my power animals:

Cow -You're very alert and aware of all that's going on around you.

Deer -You're highly sensitive and intuitive and are often aware of the feelings of others before they are.

Dingo - There are times when you know something without having a logical reason as to why it is you know.

Dog -You're very loyal to your friends, work situation and community.

Hawk -You're very good at interpreting signs and omens from the natural world, whether these come as a blessing or a warning.

Lynx -You have the gift of being able to see in others what they've kept hidden or aren't aware of, including fears, falsehoods, secrets and untapped abilities.

Owl -You typically see what others don't see, hear what others don't hear, and are able to discern the truth behind any falsehoods.

Polar Bear -You're a skilled survivor, highly adaptable, and incredibly strong physically and emotionally.

Porcupine -You're good-natured, gentle and loving, and enjoy just about anything that you're involved with.

Snake -You've gone through a series of initiations, including death and rebirth experiences and as a result have gained compassion, wisdom, and a powerful capacity for healing.

Whale -You're very psychic and highly intuitive, with a natural gift of clairaudience (the ability to hear sounds from Spirit or those who have crossed over) and telepathy.

Wolf -You have a strong sense of family and community, an intuitive sense of social order, and are very affectionate with your friends and family.

These brief descriptions of my power animals came from my favorite book on the market "Animal Spirit Guides" by Steven D. Farmer, Ph.D.

Over the next few days, I'll be showcasing some of my power animals in more depth with 1) the animals meaning, 2) when to call upon the animal and 3) if this animal is your power animal, what it means.

Until next time....

30 Useless Facts About Me You Never Wanted To Know

1.  I have the mystic cross in my palm
2.  I live in a haunted house and LOVE it!
3.  I talk to dead people all the time.
4.  I crashed my husbands new Mustang GT 5 weeks after we were married.
5.  I love Syfy's Ghost Hunters and am crazy for NCIS
6.  I'm a Twilight junkie at the age of 44 ~  "Team Edward!!"
7.  I ate mussels to impress a guy - YUCK!
8.  Played the flute as a child/teen in a band and in the church choir
9.  Attended school in Mexico for a summer program
10.  Learned to drive a stick shift at age 12  (mom freaked out!)
11.  Watched a tornado dance behind my house - stupid teenager moment
12.  Had food poisoning while pregnant 
13.  Swam on a swim team for 5 years
14.  Spoke Spanish before leaning English
15.  Fed a homeless man  dinner at Mc Donald's
16.  Got engaged on Folley Beach in Charleston, SC
17.  Have had many rides in an ambulance - not as a passenger either!
18.  Danced in the rain
19.  Bought flowers for every resident in a nursing home
20.  Went horseback riding on a horse that was in heat.  (named my 1st child after the horse too!)
21.  Fell down the stairs and shattered my tailbone and bruised 3 vertebrae.
22.  Broke all 10 fingers at once in a snow tubing accident.  (another stupid teen moment)
23.  Had my picture in the local newspaper (student of the week at my college)
24.  Was adopted by my parents at age 7 weeks
25.  Found my birthmom when I was 29 - horrible mistake!
26.  Gave birth 6 times (5 living kids, 1 stillborn)
27.  Was pregnant for 10 months with my 1st child - she was 28 days late!!!
28.  I play Yahtzee every night in bed before I can go to sleep  (on the iPad)
29.  I witnessed an elderly woman get hit by a train and now have PTSD as a result of it.
30.  I'm terrified of trains and semi-trucks

Until next time....

My Very Own Haunted House

I live in a haunted house and LOVE it!  I currently have 9 spirits (ghosts) that live with us, I just acquired a little girl from the 1940's last night when I went on a ghost tour of our city.  She was wandering the streets by the old buildings and attached herself to me.  I told her that as long as she was a positive spirit with love in her heart, she was free to come live with me and my family.

I had a paranormal research team come investigate my house last month and we got children's voices on the camcorder in my boys room, but not only that, we got the sound of the doorknob turning and unlatching, the curtain in the boys window moving by itself (the a/c unit was off at the time) and we got knocks and bangs in the room all on the video recorder.  The team also snapped this picture on their infrared camera of my daughter Faith who passed away in 1999, she loves cameras and loves to have her picture taken so I know this is her.  Down in the right-hand corner of the picture you can see the white light - that is her.

We have had various happenings in my house ever since we bought it over 4 years ago.  The spirits who reside with us are:
Dorothy - she passed away in 2002 (at the hospital), she and her husband were the original homeowners and she loved this house so much that she came back to it.  She likes to rearrange my linen closet or open it and leave it open.
Matt - he is my old high school sweetheart who was killed in a car accident in 1989 - he follows me wherever I go unless he's visiting someone else, which happens, but he's always here at night.  He's also taking care of my 3 children who have passed away until I get to the other side.
Noah - this is my stillborn son who was delivered on July 5, 2000
Faith - my camera loving daughter who was lost on October 13, 1999
Niccolas - my little boy who I lost on July 8, 1991
Denny - he was a passerby who decided he liked our house and wanted to stay with us, so he's been with us for about 3 years.
Grandpa - my father died in my house just 7 months ago and his apparition has been seen a few times already, along with smelling his chocolate chip cookies or his oatmeal that he ate every morning.  My husband has also heard him talk to him - and my husband is not a psychic or medium.
Chief - My great-great-great grandpa Chief White Cloud is also here to help with my meditations along with protection and he's also helping me write my books - he's "co-authoring" my second book he likes to say.
New little girl - who I picked up last night, she's 7 years old, but I haven't picked up on her name yet.  She's not sure that she's going to stay at this time.  She's welcome as long as she wants to stay.
Mom - she pops in from time to time, but I don't consider her as one of "my" spirits who reside here.

Some of the happenings in my house include:
*  Orange lights floating on my bedroom wall
*  My home phone calling itself and my caller ID saying "HOME", we don't have our home number loaded into the caller ID (this only happens around my anniversary)
*  Bathroom door opens and closes on it's own, and it will even close on me (or anyone else) while I'm standing at the sink
*  Boys closet door opening and closing on its own
*  Upstairs hallway light turning on and off by itself anytime of day
*  Voices being heard in various rooms
*  Light in the family room (just one of 2 on the same switch) turning on and off by itself
*  Shadows on the walls
*  Hearing walking on the ceiling
*  Hearing cow bells ringing in my living room
*  Smelling cigarette smoke when no one in the house smokes
And the list goes on and on...

So at the end of the day, yes, I love my house and I have no plans on ever selling it.

Until next time...

Intro to Reiki

Introduction to Reiki

There is no belief system attached to Reiki so anyone can receive or learn to give a Reiki treatment, the only prerequisite is the desire to be healed.

A Reiki treatment.

The method of receiving a Reiki treatment from a practitioner is a very simple process. The recipient just lies on a couch and relaxes. If they are unable to lie down the treatment can be given in a sitting position and the practitioner gently places their hands non-intrusively in a sequence of positions which cover the whole (clothed) body. A full treatment usually takes about an hour with each position held for several minutes.

Which conditions can Reiki help?

It is possible to heal at any level of being: physical, mental, emotional or spiritual. Acute injuries can be helped to heal very quickly but more chronic illness takes longer. Reiki healing can be given anywhere at any time as no special equipment is needed.

Reiki supports all forms of treatment both orthodox and complementary.

What are the Reiki degrees?

In the first degree, four of your energy centers are reawakened and attuned. The energy centers are known as chakras. The first degree attunements are primarily focused on the physical body, so that it can respond by opening up to accept and transfer quantities of the life force energy. The attunements will raise the vibratory level of the four spiritual centers: the crown, the third eye (forehead), the throat, and heart chakras.

In the second degree, you learn distant healing and the symbols that are used for sending and projecting this energy. It is good to wait at least 3 weeks before taking the second degree in order for the energy to 'settle down', but this is up to the student. After the Reiki Two attunement, students often find themselves more aligned to their Higher Selves.

`The third level is sometimes separated into 2 stages - stage one gives a further initiation and stage two gives the knowledge to be able to teach.

Dr Usui set down Five Spiritual Principles written by the Meij Emperor which are probably more well known written like this -

Just for today I will give thanks for my many blessings,

Just for today I will not worry,

Just for today I will not be angry,

Just for today I will do my work honestly,

Just for today I will be kind to my neighbor and every living thing.

These five principles are not set down to constrict you but to help you expand.

Prior to your attunement it is good to drink plenty of spring water, eat fruit and raw vegetables in order to start the cleansing of your body because after the attunement a period of detox. can take place. This can and I repeat 'can' but not necessarily last up to 21 days. It can be anything from snuffles, crying for no reason, headache, a general malaise and a gassy tum!! If you have no after effects it does not mean you have not received your attunement simply that your body doesn't detox in such an obvious way.

If possible take yourself into a quiet place, light candles, burn incense or essential oil, play some new age music and very important - take the phone off the hook!!

Take some time to meditate and calm your mind - maybe imagine walking through a beautiful garden or a crystal cave or swimming with dolphins but try to avoid writing the shopping list or planning your next party!!

The attunement process takes about 15 mins or so , your own intuition will probably tell you when your initiation is over. You may like to have a notebook to write down any experiences you may feel or sense. You may see colors or feel a presence nearby.

Do not get up quickly as you may feel a bit spacey so don't rush off to do the shopping if possible - simply take it easy for 30 mins or so and drink plenty of water.

Then start using Reiki. First on yourself; and then on your family and friends. Don't forget your pets and your plants. All living things benefit from Reiki.

Even the car can benefit when it refuses to start on a cold morning!!

But there are no hard and fast rules here. Your own intuition often will tell you where to put your hands and you can be reassured that Reiki is a bit like an aspirin - it goes where it is needed!

Until next time....  Be blessed.    

(I did not write this, I got this from a group that I belong to, but it's great information on Reiki, so I wanted to pass it along to others)

Giving Up On My Dream

This saying is something that I am trying very hard to hold on to at the moment.  I had an appointment with my OB/GYN this past Wednesday afternoon who told me that I should not go forward with having my tubes reversed.  That because of my age (44 physically, but mentally 25) and the fact that I have a little extra pudge on me, that I am not a good candidate for the surgery.  He said that, sure he could do the surgery and make all sorts of money off of me, but I probably would not end up getting pregnant, and if I did the chances of having another ectopic pregnancy was pretty high.  I've already had one miscarriage, one ectopic pregnancy and one stillborn son - so I don't have a good track record.  Then with all of that said, my youngest son almost died while trying to deliver him.  His heart stopped and they had to do an emergency c-section.  As a result of that, he suffered a brain injury because of the lack of oxygen to his brain.

I can't put into words how badly I want another child.  I know people tell me "be thankful for the kids that you DO have" and "you already have 5 special needs children, why would you want to take that chance again?"  To be honest, I feel that I still have one more child waiting to be born to me.  I've seen her in my meditations and she's just sitting there waiting in the wings for me to bring her through.  After Wednesday's appointment, either that's not going to happen or it's going to happen through another route.

My doctor told me that I should consider adopting, that there are so many children out there that need a good home and we are wonderful parents now, we would be to this child as well.  Yes, I could most definitely love another child, even if they were not biologically mine.  After all, I was adopted at 7 weeks of age and my dad was my world!  I had him wrapped around my pinkie, my mom would always say.  So I'm not discounting the thought of adopting, but I have to get over my hurt first.

And if having my tubes tied wasn't bad enough... they were tied without my permission (or my husbands permission)!  The doctor took it upon herself to tie my tubes while I was open after my c-section.  Something that I will go to my grave resenting.  I will never be able to forgive her for doing that to me and I have wished her the same amount of pain to be suffered as I have suffered for almost 10 years.  I normally do not hold grudges, but with this doctor I do.  And I won't apologize for that.

So, now we start the process of adoption.  I filled out an online application for an agency in Illinois a couple of nights ago, so we will see.  Of course I will also be only looking for a special needs child because that is where my heart is.  Really, that is all I know how to care for - I've never had a healthy child to take care of or raise, so I don't know how to do that.  Plus, everyone wants a healthy child, it's the ones with medication complications that are not wanted...  That is the child that I want.

So here we begin our new adventure...  into the land of adoption!

Until next time...

My Second Act in Life

Second Act in life?  How can that be?  I'm only 25...  no wait, in all actuality I'm 44, but my mind is stuck at 25, but my body will tell you otherwise.  Some would say I'm having a mid-life crisis, while others would say that I'm finding a new niche to snuggle into.

Over the past several years, I was in school for nursing, which half-way through decided that I no longer wanted that field because I was at the time caring for my ailing father full time, plus my five special needs children... that would be a bit too much in the care-giving department for me, to work it and then come home to it.  Then I decided that I wanted to go to school for forensic science, after all I am a bit nerdy and love science, so I started that only to be told in one of my meditation sessions that I am not supposed to be working I'm supposed to be writing.  I thought "Writing?  Writing what?  I can't write to save my life!"  And it was perfectly clear what I heard, "You are supposed to write your life story, there are others out there that you can help and your positive attitude needs to be shared."  So, I talked it over with my husband Jon and he and I both agreed that I should drop out of school and start my writing career.

But how?  Anyone who knows me, knows of my ability.  I am also a medium, and have been for 29 years, so a friend told me that I should channel to start my book, so I sat quietly at my desk, started burning some incense and allowed the information flow from Spirit through to my fingers.  At this time, I was also told that this would be the first book out of two.  Wow, that's putting a lot on my plate, if they are wanting me to write two books.  Then I asked "What is my second book about?" and the answer again was as clear as day, "It's about your psychic life.  Not all will accept it, but there are others out there that will love your book.  I am going to help you write it and you can list me as co-author!"  I knew right then and there that the information was coming from my great-great-great grandfather Chief White Cloud, Chief of the Ojibwa tribe out of Minnesota. 

So writing my first manuscript has been a bit of a challenge, after all, I'm writing about surviving 21 years of childhood abuse (physical, sexual, emotional), becoming a teen mom and then doing it all over again 1 1/2 years later and still choosing to remain single.  Struggling with keeping a roof over my children's heads, meeting my Prince Charming and getting married, having 3 more children, and losing 3 children, 1 to a miscarriage, 1 to an ectopic pregnancy and 1 stillborn son.  I've also endured the loss of both parents, which is a loss similar to the loss of a child only a little bit more intense, in my opinion, all of my losses have taken a piece of me to heaven, but I'm a strong woman and I keep going because I still have 5 children who need me and depend on me, they are the reason my world rotates.

So I am embarking on my writing journey and plan to go all the way, one way or the other my books will get written.  The titles are very personal for me, my first book is called "The Path Less Chosen" and my second book which is called "The Chosen Path".

Until next time....