Mom's Mini Vacation

Earlier this month I went on my mini vacation back to my hometown to visit some of my high school friends.  One of my friends I hadn't seen in over 16 years, another friend I hadn't seen since 2005 and my other friend I hadn't seen since we graduated high school back in 1986!  It was great to see my friends.

I was a bit nervous about making the drive as I had never made the trip without my husband before, but I did bring along my oldest daughter who is 24, so she was my navigator with the map in hand... we only took one wrong turn the entire way, which was REALLY good for me! 

We finally made it to our first destination which was my best friend Cindy's place to visit her and her daughter.  I had never met her daughter before this, so this was a special visit for me.  Here is a silly picture of us in her backyard...  I'm the tall chubby one on the left.

After my trip to Cindy's place, we made it a point to stop at White Castle - a place that I used to love to eat at when I was growing up in the area.  Here is me, yes... in my pj's absolutely LOVING my White Castle cheeseburger.

The next day (Saturday) we spent the day with my other best friend Darlene and her 22yr old daughter who my daughter used to play with when they were kids.  We went to a New Age bookstore where I did some serious financial damage, but loved everything that I bought.  That night  Dar and I had plans to have dinner with another VERY good friend of ours... John.  In high school John was like a brother to me and we've stayed close ever since.  It was great seeing him again... even though we acted like fools in the restaurant.  Here are a couple of pics for you to enjoy.

Then we got back to our hotel room and had a blast there for awhile...  I can't remember when I laughed as much as I laughed this weekend.  Here are the pics from the hotel room.

I've already made my hotel reservations for my next trip back home - I'm going back in October for another fun filled 3 day weekend, which I can not wait for!!!  This time, we're dressing up in 80's attire for dinner, which should be interesting!!!  What a blast!!!! 

Thanks for reading and enjoying the pictures~

Until next time~

I Survived My Surgery... Somewhat.

Hello all, I am sooo happy to finally be back online.  I've missed my online connections and friends.  This is a rough post to be writing because I still can not put my arm on the desk, so I'm typing with my arm raised in the air so it doesn't touch the desk. 

This picture above is me finally "happy" that the nurses were able to get my IV in my hand...  They had so much trouble because I have horrible veins in my right hand.  They tried smacking my hand, they put it in a hot blanket, nothing worked - they even tried in my forearm, so that's when they called in an anesthesia nurse, she was like magic, one poke and the IV was in, with no pain!  As you can see in the picture, my face is quite red from all of the poking and prodding, I was getting stressed out, I was so glad when the IV was finally in.  They then gave me a dose of Versed which I called "magic juice" because it took away my anxiety within minutes.  My surgeon came in and talked to me, then the anesthesiologist came in and he was cool... he explained everything to me in a comical way, which also helped to ease my anxiety.  Then I was ready to rock n' roll...  They wheeled me into the OR and I made a comment that everything was "so shiny".  (I think it was the Versed talking)  Then the anesthesiology nurse gave me some oxygen and told me to take some deep breaths, which I did.  Then he said that he was going to give me the first stage of anesthesia and again to take deep breaths... I took one deep breath, told the nurse that "this stinks" then poof....  I was gone!

This is me after I woke up in recover and was moved to a different area where my husband would be able to be with me.  I'm dopey as hell in this picture, but not feeling any pain at the moment because before they moved me, they injected some really good pain killer stuff into my IV.  As you can see from my fingers, they are already swelling up - by the time I'm done, my hand will be twice the size of my right hand.  I was in this room eating a little bit of applesauce and drinking a bit of water and chomping on ice chips.  Then the nausea set in.  They gave me a Percocet before I left to go home.  Once I got home, Jon helped to get me into my recliner and poof, I puked.  Thank goodness I had the puke bag in hand. 

The first week of my recover was hard as hell...  Every day that passed, the pain increased and I started to itch from the bandages, so by the next Monday I was back at my surgeons office mentioning about the increasing pain and itching.  He removed my bandages and splint and said to come back in a week to have my staples removed.  This is what I looked like once the wrappings were removed.

I still had a lot of limitations - basically no lifting, no pushing, no pulling, no over extending, etc...  At this point, my husband was still getting me dressed and helping me to bathe and my oldest daughter was doing my hair.  My surgeon told me that this is a very hard recover to heal from because he decompressed the nerve and while he was "in there" he saw that my tendon was too tight, so he released that too.  I have been having nerve pain every day, all day since the day of surgery, which is taking a toll on me physically and emotionally.

The day came to have my staples removed.  I asked the doctor to wait an extra week because I was still in so much pain, but he said that I would have more complications if we waited, so he wanted them removed that day.  OH CRAP!  His surgical nurse came in (she's a sweetie) to remove my staples and as she was removing them, I was crying like a baby it hurt sooo bad.  I've given birth 6 times and this pain was right up there with giving birth.  Like I said, I cried through the removal of the staples, I cried on the way home and I cried once I got home, I can't even describe the pain I was feeling at the time.  This is what I ended up looking like.

I am now 3 weeks and 2 days out from surgery and I still endure nerve pain every day not only inside my arm, but I'm still having a lot of pain at my incision site as well.  I am to keep the suture closures on my arm until I see my doctor on August 2nd.  I'm still on Percocets which I'm to stay on until I see him again, then he will change my meds to a non-narcotic pain killer that I will stay on for 3 months.  The recovery process takes about 4 months to completely heal from... and the "best" part of this whole thing...  I get to do this all over again!  I found out that I have the same compressed nerves in my right arm as I had in my left.  So, I'm going to be repeating this surgery once I'm completely healed from this current surgery.

Thanks for reading this far....  I appreciate all of you!

Until next time...

Happy Father's Day To The Dads That I Love

Today's blog post is dedicated to the 2 dads that mean the world to me, my daddy (in the Cubbies shirt) and my loving husband Jon who is my Knight in Shining Armour.  I would not be where I am today if it weren't for these two wonderfully loving men.

My dad has always been the apple of my eye, my dad and I had a bond that could not ever be broken, but now our relationship is different.  My dad passed away October 4th, 2011 after a long battle with coronary disease and renal failure.  I proudly took care of my dad for 14 years, after the death of my mother from breast, bone & brain cancer.  This is going to be my first Father's Day without my dad and it hurts horribly.  I miss him so much, but I also know that he is here with us in spirit.  I hear my dad, I see my dad, he loves my kids too much to move on... but I've also seen my dad dancing with my mom having a grand ol' time, which is what they loved to do in life.  My dad couldn't dance well because when he was a baby he developed Polio and ended up with one leg being shorter than the other, he had a significant limp, but when it came to dancing, he never passed up on an opportunity to dance with my mom.  I remember as a child, me putting my feet on top of his feet and dancing with him in our living room.  Those are memories that I will forever cherish.

As for my husband Jon, we've been married over 17 years and have never regretted one moment of our lives together.  Sure, I may piss him off from time to time, afterall I'm a female, with female hormones, but he always takes it in stride.  Jon and I have been through a lot in our time together, we survived a 6 month Navy Med. Cruise with me being newly pregnant, we've survived raising 5 children with autism and other forms of special needs, we've survived a miscarriage, an ectopic pregnancy and a stillborn  son.  We've survived many moves to various states, but we've never lost the love that we have for each other. 

My husband is an excellent father, a very loving father and husband and I couldn't have asked for a better life partner than Jon.  He always puts our children and I first, before his own needs and wants, and will go above and beyond the call of duty when needed - like when our toilet acts up!  (we say he has dookie duty) 

So this post is dedicated to the men that I love always and forever!  Daddy, I miss you more every day and love you more than life itself.  Jon you are the reason I am still breathing, I love you more than life itself and pray that we have many more years to enjoy each others love.

I love you both!

Until next time....

Upcoming Surgery... Yikes!!!

Well, I am sad to say that you won't be hearing from me for a while soon.  It seems that when I went to see my orthopedic surgeon, I got signed up for surgery.  How did this happen, you ask?  Let me explain...

Last Tuesday (of last week) my husband Jon had an appointment with this same surgeon to see if it was time to do his other knee.  He had a total knee replacement surgery done in Jan 2011 and was told that the other knee would need to be done at a later date...  So since he's having more trouble with the other knee, we went in to see if it was time for surgery.  The doctor ended up giving my husband a shot of cortisone in his knee (which Jon was against) and said to see how he felt in a few days. 

I asked him if I should make an appointment, since the last time I saw him I had en EMG done and it revealed nerve damage in my left elbow.  Well, I told him that my hand is continuing to fall asleep when I'm either talking on the phone (which is why I got a bluetooth headset for my cell phone) or while I'm in bed sleeping.  He said to make an appointment, so I did...  I didn't expect to be seen 2 days later!

So I went to my appointment thinking that my doctor was going to order a second EMG to see where things stand now... but instead he told me to bend my elbow so that my hand was up by my ear and to tell him when my hand starts to fall aslseep while we talked.  I didn't last 2 minutes before my hand started to tingle.  His next words were...  "When do you want to have surgery?"  I think I had a mini stroke when he said that it took me by surprise.  I said, "whenever you can get me in I guess."  So his surgical technologist Gwen came in with the appointment book and scheduled me for Monday the 18th at 8:00am.  I was told to be at the surgery center at 6:30 to get prepped. 

At first I wasn't too nervous, but this past Monday I had my pre-surgical appointment with the nurse who went over all of my information and told me what is going to be done.  Then I freaked out...  She started rattling off everything that I'm NOT going to be able to do while my arm is immobilized for 2 weeks...  the list started with:  you won't be able to dress yourself, you won't be able to pull up your shorts after using the bathroom, you won't be able to do your hair, you won't be able to cook, you won't be able to sleep comfortably (I'm a stomach sleeper) so I'm going to sleep in the Lazy Boy recliner that our cats use as their bed... and the list went on and on...  I told her that with as nervous as I was sitting in that chair, I would be a train wreck come surgery day... she said "no problem, we'll give you some Versed."  I've never had Versed before, but she said that it's "good stuff".

So, as the day is growing closer, my nerves are becoming more frayed.  My oldest daughter is taking the day off of work to babysit my younger kids, and I'll be home by that afternoon - but in what condition, I don't know.

So, I won't be able to blog for the next couple of weeks, I hope you all stick with me and I promise to update you all on my surgery just as soon as I can.

Take care!
Until next time....

Running As A Lifestyle

Today I have a guest blogger, my good friend Kirsten who I will be hosting a blog post from her every month on the 5th to show her progress as she trains for marathons and other running events, and how she's changing the way she eats.  I will also be a guest blogger on her site as well on the 5th of every month showing how my weight loss program is going.  You can find her blog at:  http://www.runningforautism.com/  
Thanks Kirsten for being my friend, my life changing buddy and for being my guest blogger for today!

In 1996 I started running. It was part of a lifestyle makeover prompted by my decision to knock a ten-year smoking habit on the head. I sometimes express surprise about the fact that I fell in love with running, but it was almost inevitable. My dad had been one of South Africa's elite marathoners in his youth, and as a teen I spent many enjoyable hours watching televised athletic events with him.

When I had my kids, the inevitable happened: my running took a back seat, and I began a glorious career as a couch potato.  Repeated efforts over the years to get back into running came to naught, until a chance email landed in my inbox three years ago. The email, which was an invitation to run a half-marathon to raise funds for autism, gave me just the kick in the pants that I needed.

If running for a cause that affected my own child wasn't going to get me back into the sport, then nothing would.

I was only briefly deterred by the fact that I was tipping the scales at 200 pounds at that time. 200 pounds may not be a bad weight for some people, but it was well beyond healthy limits for a five-foot-six woman with a naturally small frame.

I put together a training plan, ditched some of my more unhealthy eating habits, and hit the road. Six months after receiving that first email, I ran a half-marathon. I wasn't exactly a speed demon, but I managed to cross the finish line in reasonable enough nick.

Since then, I have run four more half-marathons and I'm training for my fifth. I have also run a host of races in other distances. I am single-minded about my running. I'm the kind of person who will get up at five in the morning in the middle of winter to go running in the snow. I've done speed training sessions at lunchtime in the middle of a gruelling hot summer, and I've endured long runs with rain squelching in my running shoes.

Considering how weird I am about my running, it's a little curious that I have no discipline whatsoever when it comes to my diet.

I grew up with a serious body image problem, and as a result I have a distinctly uncomfortable relationship with food. I flip-flop between eating disorders, either consuming calories willy-nilly without regard for the consequences, or living on next to nothing.

Just over a week ago, I ran a half-marathon. I missed my personal best time by 25 seconds, which was not bad considering how tough the course was. The race was run on uneven park trails with a number of hills. It struck me that if I could just sort out my nutrition once and for all, get to my optimal weight and stay there, and fuel my body with the right things, I could be a much better runner. I would be leaner and my body would just work better. I probably would have set a personal best time last weekend.

And so I have decided that I am going to conquer my issues with food, using the same strength of mind that I use for my running. I am going to deal with my ridiculous body image hangups, and I am going to respect myself enough to really take care of this body that I live in. After all, it's not like I can trade it in for a replacement if it stops working.

When Mimi and I realized that we both wanted to fix some aspect of our lifestyles, we decided to make it fun by exchanging guest posts once a month. Therefore, on the fifth day of ever month, I will be gracing you, Mimi's readers, with an update on how I am progressing.

The next time you see me, I hope to have more concrete goals in place, along with a proper eating plan. I will be eating fewer carbs and more vegetables. I will be drinking the right amount of fluids, and I will not be skipping meals and relishing the feeling of hunger that I find strangely addictive.

I will be on the path to a healthier me, and a better and faster runner.

My New Journey Begins... Today!

This is what I currently look like...  but hopefully in a few months I will look different.  See... I've started a new weight loss program, and I am extremely psyched about it.  I'm hoping to lose 60 pounds and get back to the weight that I was at when I got married 17 years ago.

Over the years, I've gained the weight, by having babies, by losing babies, stress eating, and I am definitely an emotional eater.  I also eat potato chips (Pringles to be exact) at "certain" times of the month.

I just can't stress enough, how excited I am to be on this program.  The program is the CTS300 which is sold at Complete Nutrition.  I am in no way tied to the company other than being a customer who is excited to be on their program.  Now I won't lie, this is an expensive program to be on, but if I can lose the 60 pounds, my doctor has told me she would take me off of my diabetes medication.  What more motivation do I need than that?!

SO...  I will post one picture a month to show my progress and hopefully over time my weight loss will be noticeable. 

Oh... and I am happy to say that on Tuesday I will have a guest blogger, who happens to be a very good friend of mine and who also started her fitness program on the same day as I.  We will be guest blogging once a month until we reach our goals. 

I hope you are as excited as I am to be starting this journey to wellness!

Until next time...

I'm Going Ghost Hunting!!!!

Some of my friends seem to think that I'm insane or looney... but I love what I do!  I'm excited because tomorrow night I have plans to go to my local Sprint store and ghost hunt!  Here's the story...

Their current building is being torn down and going to be re-built larger with a repair center in it, but while the tearing down and re-building is taking place, the Sprint store is in a temporary location down the street in a strip mall.  What makes me so exited is that as soon as they moved into their temporary location, they started hearing noises coming from the lockers in the back room, so they asked me what I thought.  I immediately picked up on that there is a grumpy older man that wanders throughout the building and he's just making his presence known.

Well, the manager of Sprint went and talked to one of the companies in the building who has been there for quite some time and they told him that at one time, they actually had a guitar levitate on it's own!  (this is a music instrument store)  This excited the manager, who then asked me if I would be willing to come in after the store closes and see what I can come up with.  So I'm doing this tomorrow night and I'm bringing my husbands video camera that has night vision on it and we're going to set it up so it shows the lockers.

I'm really excited to be doing this, but so many of my friends think I've lost it... and maybe I have, but I love speaking with the dead... some of them don't realize that they have truly passed over and that's why they are still hanging around.

I will update after my mini ghost hunting expedition.

Until next time...

The Opening Of My Book - The Path Less Chosen

“You can move mountains, if you only believe.”  This was something my mother always told me, I believe my strength came from her and then some.  I’ve had to find my inner strength more than my fair share of times, but it has never let me down as of yet.  

I also believe that for one reason or another our paths are chosen before we are born.  It’s like signing a contract that we are willing to accept and to live just to move on to our next destination.  My path wasn’t always so rosy, it had its bumps, potholes and sharp turns that we all experience; just some tend to experience more than others and in varying degrees.  That’s what brought life to my book, my need to let other people know that there are others out there who truly understand what you are going through, to the abused children I say, yes I’ve been where you are and I’ve survived, I’m not a victim, I’m a survivor and you can be one too.  I can also say that having 5 children with special needs and a disabled husband has its difficulties, but I wouldn’t trade my life for the world.  So to the mothers of children with special needs, I too have been where you are, I too have wondered ‘why me’ and I too have cherished every success that my children have obtained.

There are blessings intertwined within the pains that I’ve suffered and yes, I would do it all over again if I needed to.  I’m also a parent who has lost children, one to miscarriage at a young age, one to an ectopic pregnancy, one to stillbirth, and another miscarriage recently, but I also believe that all of those things happened for a reason, I may not know all of the reasons and maybe I won’t accept the reasons, but they happened and I’ve had to cope with the loss just like other parents of unborn children.  Our hearts are resilient, we do get past the grief, but we never forget.  

I’ve also lost both of my parents, my mom to breast, bone and brain cancer in 1997, and my father to heart failure and kidney failure in 2011.  I unfortunately understand the heartache of losing your parents.

This is what my book is about, overcoming difficulties, seeing the positives and loving life for what it is and loving the people in my life because they make it what it is.  

Until next time....

I'm Scared...

I'm terrified of trains, I have panic attacks every time I'm around one or hear their horn sound.

I'm scared of semi trucks, even if they are parked and the engine is off.  (was in a car accident as a young child with a semi truck and the fear has remained my entire life)

I'm scared of having my panic attacks in public places.

I worry that my house is never picked up enough for a visitor - even if it's clean, I still worry about that dust bunny under the couch.

I'm scared of not being accepted for who I am.  (my scars from childhood)

I'm scared of snakes - they give me the wicky willys.

I'm scared of being outside after dark alone.

I'm scared of the ocean - even though I know how to swim & was trained in water life-saving, I'm still terrified of large bodies of water.

I'm scared of my children suffering any type of pain or hurt.  (including bullying)

I'm scared of having to bury another child, I've done it once, I never want to repeat it.

I'm scared of losing my husband too early in life.  (he has 13 different diagnoses, thanks to his time in the military)

I'm scared of speaking publicly - I break down in tears every time.

I'm scared of traveling long distances alone.

I worry about my house burning down, I know this is totally illogical, but I've planned out exactly who would get which child, and still be able to grab my purse and our important papers along with my parents urns and my oldest daughter would gather up our 3 cats.

I'm scared of being judged by people reading this list.  I feel totally vulnerable at the moment.  Wow, this was a rough list to write.  I'm sure there are more things that I am scared of... but I think this is enough for now.

Until next time...

Momma's Time Out

Parenting special needs children can wear thin on a mom from time to time.  There's doctor appointments, psychiatrist appointments, therapy appointments, then of course you have the special education teachers that you have to deal with when it comes to IEP time.  Every once in awhile I just need a time out, I found this picture on my Facebook wall which I thought was perfect, but do you know how many pins I would need to hang up all of my kids???  Geesh!  I would also need a long drying line, which of course I don't have, so I guess my only alternative is my hot bubble baths that I take to de-stress from the day.

Sure I can run my errands by myself if I wanted to, and sometimes I do, but most of the time, my oldest daughter likes to tag along.  She's 24, so she's not bad to shop with.  Plus we have our mother-daughter dates, but it's also nice that she's old enough to watch the kids so my husband and I can have date night as well.  Date night helps keep our relationship going strong.  It gives us time to ourselves without the interruptions of kids.  My boys (almost 10 & 11) are very attached to my husband, so they take up most if not all of his time while they are home.

It also doesn't help that their room is the most haunted in the house with the most activity and ever since my dad died 7 months ago, the boys refuse to sleep in their room.  So what does that mean?  Yep, they've been "camping out" in our room at night at the foot of our bed.  Makes for 'great' quality time between Jon and I. 

The one thing that I guess I have the hardest time dealing with are the meltdowns.  They are hard to deal with because most of the time you never know when one is going to happen.  Sure I know some of my kids triggers, but not many and with children with autism spectrum disorders, you don't need a trigger to have a meltdown.  My youngest son has them daily and most of the time we don't know why.  We just try and do damage control while he's in the process of melting.  He also has no problems having meltdowns at school either, I get emails on a regular basis about his meltdowns and having to be removed from the regular ed classroom and put into the special ed room for his safety and the safety of the other kids.

No matter the stress or chaos that is apart of my life, I would never trade it for the world.  My kids are my life and I love my life for what it is and the challenges that it brings with it.

Until next time....

Aargh! Writer's Block, Again!!!

I admit it, I have writer's block, but not just any ordinary writer's block, but massive writer's block.  I don't know how this happened, I was writing at a decent pace every day in the beginning, but then all of a sudden, when I went to sit down to write, all I could do was stare at my laptop screen and the words written on it.  I would re-read the paragraph where I stopped to try and kick start my writing again and my mind would wander off to a land far, far away. 

I'm not a quitter, but I am a perfectionist when it comes to any written work that I do.  When I was in college, I loved doing research papers, but my teachers always complained because they would ask for a 8 - 10 page report on some subject and I would turn in a 25 page report because I would get carried away with all of the information.  Funny, I never had writer's block when it came to my research papers, why am I having it now?  Probably because what I'm writing is my life story and it's not all rainbows and butterflies.  There are a lot of painful memories being put into this book and it seems as if I'm re-living each painful moment as I write about it.

The best thing for me when I write, is to have my music playing in my ears.  I pop in my earbuds to my iPhone and play away.  I have great music on my iPhone that always changes my frame of mind and helps redirect my thinking.

So on with my writing...  writer's block, go away!!

Until next time...

Happy Anniversary Mom & Dad!

 This is a picture of my parents, Bill & Nohemi while they were dating.  I love this picture of them because they look so happy!  My mom came to the United States from Mexico in 1961 and got a job at the same place my dad was working, Comptons Encyclopedia. My dad soon swooped in on my mom, but she rejected his advancements for quite some time.  My dad being who he was, knew what he wanted and that was my mom... so he pursued her until she couldn't say no any longer.  They ended up dating and my mom soon became my dad's entire world! When dad popped the question, mom said "no" and flew back to Mexico.  Dad was not going to take "no" for an answer, so he followed her to her hometown of Orizaba, Veracruz and asked her to marry him again.  She saw how in love he was with her and finally said "yes"when he asked her a second time.

They had 2 weddings, one was a civil ceremony, which my mom never recognized as being married. It wasn't until they had the church ceremony that they were finally married.  The civil ceremony was in January, but they didn't have the church ceremony until May 30th and they were married in Orizaba, Veracruz.  This is a picture of their wedding.  My moms head piece and flowers were made out of glass, and the cake pieces were also made from glass.  On their wedding day, my dad was the happiest man alive!

Happy Anniversary Mom & Dad!!!

I love you!

Until next time....

Our 4 Legged Children

I wasn't sure what to write about for today's blog post, so my brainiac daughter said "write about the Ladies & their Feller"... so that is what I'm going to do.  These 2 ladies & their feller are otherwise known as our cats - but cats makes them seem so "animal-like" and that they are not.  They truly believe they are human and I had nothing to do with that thinking process at all.  There is Izzy (Izzabelle), CJ (Cinderella Junior) and Butts (Seymour Butts).

Let's get on with their debut:

 Izzy screaming for some attention - or otherwise yawning.

 Izzy giving momma some lovin'.

 Wide-eyed and wearing her 'innocent' look.

 Mr Butts - doing what he does best, playing dead.  (yep, he's a 23 pounder)

Mr Butts with his cool dude cap on.

Last but not least, CJ, who does not like to have her picture taken - she hates the flash.

Until next time...

Come On Over To The Nerdy Side

I've decided that I'm going to talk a little bit about my childhood and how I've evolved into who I am today.

When I was a child in school, I didn't have many friends, I was considered a nerd and not many people enjoyed being around me.  I was teased almost on a daily basis and it didn't matter if I was in the Catholic school of which I attended 1st, 2nd, 3rd and 8th grade or in the public school for grades 4th through 7th and then high school.

What I think really bothered me the most was gym class and the process of where the class was divided into "teams" and the "team captains" had to pick the people they wanted on the team - I was always the last person to be picked - just like winning a booby prize.  Yep, I was the booby prize.  That always crushed me, but more importantly, it embarrassed me - me sitting there all alone on the floor and knowing that the last team to pick got me.  Even now at the age of 44, I'm scarred from that.  It brings tears to my eyes to rethink or rather re-live those times in my life. 

Then in high school - sure there were boys that I liked, but no one would give me the time of day.  I had a high school sweetheart that I met at summer school - it was a prep course for the Catholic high school that I was going to attend, except, I went to Mexico that summer and came back too late and missed my slot at the Catholic high school (with my sweetie) so I was forced to attend the public high school.  My sweetie and I dated on and off all four years of high school, and then he went away to college in Indiana and I went to school at the technical college.  He was the only one who ever accepted me for who I am, deep down, not the surface Mimi that you see.

It was after my rape that I started to change and not give a shit about who or what came my way.  I put on a steel shield and I wasn't going to let anyone in.  Until I met my husband.  I slowly put my guard down and enjoyed what I found - but I've still never really have had a lot of friends who I can truly count on.  Sure I have friends on Facebook, but if I were in a pinch, there is less than a handful that I would be able to count on to bail me out.  Hell, I only have 3 people's cell number of whom I'm friends with on Facebook.  So if I were in a pinch, I'm S.O.L.

I guess being a nerd has it's perks, but I'm not sure what they are at the moment.  I have developed into a very social and friendly person, but I'm still considered "strange" and "out there".  I guess that's ok - it makes me unique and that's how I view myself. 

Until next time...

Power Animal: Polar Bear

Another one of my power animals is the polar bear, I resonate so closely to this animal it's crazy!  I have polar bear figurines and pictures all over my sacred space.  (meaning my desk area & mantle)  Anyone who knows me well, knows that I am like a momma polar bear when it comes to my kids.  I will not hesitate to go for someone's throat if my children are in danger or being bullied.  Also, family is the most important thing to me, without my family, nothing else matters.

If polar bear shows up:
Be assertive and strong in both your communications and your actions, yet be willing to yield as necessary.
Treat yourself with respect and maintain your dignity at all times.
Before you take action, pause and observe the situation; then when you're ready to make your move, commit to it fully and without hesitation.
You're about to embark on a spiritual adventure, one that will awaken some of your innate gifts and qualities that have been dormant until now.

If you need polar bear medicine:
You're faced with an important change in your life, but you're having trouble accepting it.
You're feeling afraid or threatened in any situation, no matter the trigger, and you want to feel safe, strong and protected from any and all harm.
You're doing any kind of work between the spirit world and this one and you need a good, strong guide.

If polar bear is your power animal:
You're a skilled survivor, highly adaptable, and incredibly strong physically and emotionally.
Your spirit is very pure and your know who you are.
You have unquestioning faith in the Power that governs all, which is expressing itself as you and through you.
You're a powerful individual and readily command respect wherever you go and from whomever you meet.

As always, I took this information out of my favorite book "Animal Spirit Guides" by Steven D. Farmer, PH. D.

Until next time....

"If I started blogging today I would….”

If I started blogging today I would.... stop stressing over what I think others would think about my blog post for that particular day. 

When I started blogging, it was strictly for fun, but then I joined the 2012 Blogathon and then all of a sudden I was being put to the test...  first, could I blog for all 31 days of the month of May?  Secondly, what would I blog about that would be accepted by others?  Sure, people blog about their husbands, their children, their work life, their hobbies, their vacations, etc...  but I am a little different.  I think differently than most, many would say "I think out in left field" because of what I do and what I am.  I post my blog posts to my Facebook page as well daily, so my friends if they choose, can read what that days post was about.  All of my friends on Facebook know that I'm a psychic/medium as I post about the various happenings in my house.  But joining a blogathon was going to be a challenge.  Would I be accepted for who I am and what I write?  At first it really mattered to me, but now 23 days into the challenge, I've changed my way of thinking.  It doesn't matter if I'm accepted or not, I hope my followers enjoy my writings, but at the end of the day, if I'm happy with my blog post, then I'm happy.  I won't allow the anxiety that was once a part of my blogging, be a part of it anymore.

Until next time....

Power Animal: Deer

For me personally, the deer is one of my most favored power animal, in addition to the owl and the polar bear.  The fawn is always the one to take me into meditation and back out, and she stays with me while I'm in meditation watching over me, making sure I'm protected at all times.  When I see a deer that was hit on the side of the road, I feel the animals pain, I feel a sense of loss - that's how tightly bonded I am to this gorgeous animal.

If you notice that a deer is trying to convey a message to you, these are some of the possible meanings:
You've been involved in some aggressive, negative circumstances and need to seek out safe, nurturing situations and people. 
More than ever, you need to trust your instincts.
You're poised for an enticing adventure, one that will take you down many different paths and lead to many important insights.
Be gentle with yourself and others.

Call upon the deer's spirit for help:
You need help finding inspiration and resources for any creative projects you've working on.
You need help in situations where extra vigilance and sensitivity is called for in order to avoid any harmful consequences.
You want to release any resentments, grudges, or judgments about someone.
You want to find strength and endurance when you're going through a difficult life passage.

If the deer is your power animal:
You're highly sensitive and intuitive and are often aware of the feelings of others before they are.
You can move with intention, awareness, and speed and can change directions quickly while staying completely centered.
You're most comfortable outdoors, particularly in the woods or forest, and must frequently spend time there to recharge and regenerate.

And, as always, I took this information from my favorite book "Animal Spirit Guides" by Steven D. Farmer, PH.D.  

Until next time...

Animal Spirit Guides

As Ted Andrews states in his "Animal Speak" book, a totem (animal spirit guide) is "any natural object, being, or animal to whose phenomena and energy we feel closely associated with during our life."

As I have stated in my brochure, animal spirits are also called "power animals" or "totem" which is a person's spirit guide from nature.  They offer great guidance and support in times of need.  It is common for you to see some of the same characteristics of your power animal in yourself and that is why the two of you have bonded and you feel a connection to this particular animal.  You may at other times pick up a power animal to help get you through a sticky situation in where you might need that particular animals strength or energy.

If a power animal is trying to convey a message to you, you will see that animal typically three times within a short time and you will know that a message is trying to be conveyed, it is then your job to decipher it within yourself.  That's when your spirituality comes into play.

I personally have many power animals that I work with, sometimes one or two are a bit more dominant than others, but I have had these same animals for many years.  I will share with you my power animals:

Cow -You're very alert and aware of all that's going on around you.

Deer -You're highly sensitive and intuitive and are often aware of the feelings of others before they are.

Dingo - There are times when you know something without having a logical reason as to why it is you know.

Dog -You're very loyal to your friends, work situation and community.

Hawk -You're very good at interpreting signs and omens from the natural world, whether these come as a blessing or a warning.

Lynx -You have the gift of being able to see in others what they've kept hidden or aren't aware of, including fears, falsehoods, secrets and untapped abilities.

Owl -You typically see what others don't see, hear what others don't hear, and are able to discern the truth behind any falsehoods.

Polar Bear -You're a skilled survivor, highly adaptable, and incredibly strong physically and emotionally.

Porcupine -You're good-natured, gentle and loving, and enjoy just about anything that you're involved with.

Snake -You've gone through a series of initiations, including death and rebirth experiences and as a result have gained compassion, wisdom, and a powerful capacity for healing.

Whale -You're very psychic and highly intuitive, with a natural gift of clairaudience (the ability to hear sounds from Spirit or those who have crossed over) and telepathy.

Wolf -You have a strong sense of family and community, an intuitive sense of social order, and are very affectionate with your friends and family.

These brief descriptions of my power animals came from my favorite book on the market "Animal Spirit Guides" by Steven D. Farmer, Ph.D.

Over the next few days, I'll be showcasing some of my power animals in more depth with 1) the animals meaning, 2) when to call upon the animal and 3) if this animal is your power animal, what it means.

Until next time....

30 Useless Facts About Me You Never Wanted To Know

1.  I have the mystic cross in my palm
2.  I live in a haunted house and LOVE it!
3.  I talk to dead people all the time.
4.  I crashed my husbands new Mustang GT 5 weeks after we were married.
5.  I love Syfy's Ghost Hunters and am crazy for NCIS
6.  I'm a Twilight junkie at the age of 44 ~  "Team Edward!!"
7.  I ate mussels to impress a guy - YUCK!
8.  Played the flute as a child/teen in a band and in the church choir
9.  Attended school in Mexico for a summer program
10.  Learned to drive a stick shift at age 12  (mom freaked out!)
11.  Watched a tornado dance behind my house - stupid teenager moment
12.  Had food poisoning while pregnant 
13.  Swam on a swim team for 5 years
14.  Spoke Spanish before leaning English
15.  Fed a homeless man  dinner at Mc Donald's
16.  Got engaged on Folley Beach in Charleston, SC
17.  Have had many rides in an ambulance - not as a passenger either!
18.  Danced in the rain
19.  Bought flowers for every resident in a nursing home
20.  Went horseback riding on a horse that was in heat.  (named my 1st child after the horse too!)
21.  Fell down the stairs and shattered my tailbone and bruised 3 vertebrae.
22.  Broke all 10 fingers at once in a snow tubing accident.  (another stupid teen moment)
23.  Had my picture in the local newspaper (student of the week at my college)
24.  Was adopted by my parents at age 7 weeks
25.  Found my birthmom when I was 29 - horrible mistake!
26.  Gave birth 6 times (5 living kids, 1 stillborn)
27.  Was pregnant for 10 months with my 1st child - she was 28 days late!!!
28.  I play Yahtzee every night in bed before I can go to sleep  (on the iPad)
29.  I witnessed an elderly woman get hit by a train and now have PTSD as a result of it.
30.  I'm terrified of trains and semi-trucks

Until next time....

My Very Own Haunted House

I live in a haunted house and LOVE it!  I currently have 9 spirits (ghosts) that live with us, I just acquired a little girl from the 1940's last night when I went on a ghost tour of our city.  She was wandering the streets by the old buildings and attached herself to me.  I told her that as long as she was a positive spirit with love in her heart, she was free to come live with me and my family.

I had a paranormal research team come investigate my house last month and we got children's voices on the camcorder in my boys room, but not only that, we got the sound of the doorknob turning and unlatching, the curtain in the boys window moving by itself (the a/c unit was off at the time) and we got knocks and bangs in the room all on the video recorder.  The team also snapped this picture on their infrared camera of my daughter Faith who passed away in 1999, she loves cameras and loves to have her picture taken so I know this is her.  Down in the right-hand corner of the picture you can see the white light - that is her.

We have had various happenings in my house ever since we bought it over 4 years ago.  The spirits who reside with us are:
Dorothy - she passed away in 2002 (at the hospital), she and her husband were the original homeowners and she loved this house so much that she came back to it.  She likes to rearrange my linen closet or open it and leave it open.
Matt - he is my old high school sweetheart who was killed in a car accident in 1989 - he follows me wherever I go unless he's visiting someone else, which happens, but he's always here at night.  He's also taking care of my 3 children who have passed away until I get to the other side.
Noah - this is my stillborn son who was delivered on July 5, 2000
Faith - my camera loving daughter who was lost on October 13, 1999
Niccolas - my little boy who I lost on July 8, 1991
Denny - he was a passerby who decided he liked our house and wanted to stay with us, so he's been with us for about 3 years.
Grandpa - my father died in my house just 7 months ago and his apparition has been seen a few times already, along with smelling his chocolate chip cookies or his oatmeal that he ate every morning.  My husband has also heard him talk to him - and my husband is not a psychic or medium.
Chief - My great-great-great grandpa Chief White Cloud is also here to help with my meditations along with protection and he's also helping me write my books - he's "co-authoring" my second book he likes to say.
New little girl - who I picked up last night, she's 7 years old, but I haven't picked up on her name yet.  She's not sure that she's going to stay at this time.  She's welcome as long as she wants to stay.
Mom - she pops in from time to time, but I don't consider her as one of "my" spirits who reside here.

Some of the happenings in my house include:
*  Orange lights floating on my bedroom wall
*  My home phone calling itself and my caller ID saying "HOME", we don't have our home number loaded into the caller ID (this only happens around my anniversary)
*  Bathroom door opens and closes on it's own, and it will even close on me (or anyone else) while I'm standing at the sink
*  Boys closet door opening and closing on its own
*  Upstairs hallway light turning on and off by itself anytime of day
*  Voices being heard in various rooms
*  Light in the family room (just one of 2 on the same switch) turning on and off by itself
*  Shadows on the walls
*  Hearing walking on the ceiling
*  Hearing cow bells ringing in my living room
*  Smelling cigarette smoke when no one in the house smokes
And the list goes on and on...

So at the end of the day, yes, I love my house and I have no plans on ever selling it.

Until next time...

Intro to Reiki

Introduction to Reiki

There is no belief system attached to Reiki so anyone can receive or learn to give a Reiki treatment, the only prerequisite is the desire to be healed.

A Reiki treatment.

The method of receiving a Reiki treatment from a practitioner is a very simple process. The recipient just lies on a couch and relaxes. If they are unable to lie down the treatment can be given in a sitting position and the practitioner gently places their hands non-intrusively in a sequence of positions which cover the whole (clothed) body. A full treatment usually takes about an hour with each position held for several minutes.

Which conditions can Reiki help?

It is possible to heal at any level of being: physical, mental, emotional or spiritual. Acute injuries can be helped to heal very quickly but more chronic illness takes longer. Reiki healing can be given anywhere at any time as no special equipment is needed.

Reiki supports all forms of treatment both orthodox and complementary.

What are the Reiki degrees?

In the first degree, four of your energy centers are reawakened and attuned. The energy centers are known as chakras. The first degree attunements are primarily focused on the physical body, so that it can respond by opening up to accept and transfer quantities of the life force energy. The attunements will raise the vibratory level of the four spiritual centers: the crown, the third eye (forehead), the throat, and heart chakras.

In the second degree, you learn distant healing and the symbols that are used for sending and projecting this energy. It is good to wait at least 3 weeks before taking the second degree in order for the energy to 'settle down', but this is up to the student. After the Reiki Two attunement, students often find themselves more aligned to their Higher Selves.

`The third level is sometimes separated into 2 stages - stage one gives a further initiation and stage two gives the knowledge to be able to teach.

Dr Usui set down Five Spiritual Principles written by the Meij Emperor which are probably more well known written like this -

Just for today I will give thanks for my many blessings,

Just for today I will not worry,

Just for today I will not be angry,

Just for today I will do my work honestly,

Just for today I will be kind to my neighbor and every living thing.

These five principles are not set down to constrict you but to help you expand.

Prior to your attunement it is good to drink plenty of spring water, eat fruit and raw vegetables in order to start the cleansing of your body because after the attunement a period of detox. can take place. This can and I repeat 'can' but not necessarily last up to 21 days. It can be anything from snuffles, crying for no reason, headache, a general malaise and a gassy tum!! If you have no after effects it does not mean you have not received your attunement simply that your body doesn't detox in such an obvious way.

If possible take yourself into a quiet place, light candles, burn incense or essential oil, play some new age music and very important - take the phone off the hook!!

Take some time to meditate and calm your mind - maybe imagine walking through a beautiful garden or a crystal cave or swimming with dolphins but try to avoid writing the shopping list or planning your next party!!

The attunement process takes about 15 mins or so , your own intuition will probably tell you when your initiation is over. You may like to have a notebook to write down any experiences you may feel or sense. You may see colors or feel a presence nearby.

Do not get up quickly as you may feel a bit spacey so don't rush off to do the shopping if possible - simply take it easy for 30 mins or so and drink plenty of water.

Then start using Reiki. First on yourself; and then on your family and friends. Don't forget your pets and your plants. All living things benefit from Reiki.

Even the car can benefit when it refuses to start on a cold morning!!

But there are no hard and fast rules here. Your own intuition often will tell you where to put your hands and you can be reassured that Reiki is a bit like an aspirin - it goes where it is needed!

Until next time....  Be blessed.    

(I did not write this, I got this from a group that I belong to, but it's great information on Reiki, so I wanted to pass it along to others)